We are half way into January……how are you doing on those New Year Resolutions? The ones you created so powerfully and had you so excited and motivated just 2 weeks ago?
It is not groundbreaking to tell you that most New Year Resolutions fail. We all know it. But why? It is not for lack of desire or inspiration or want. So why is this phenomenon so common?
1. We are trying to “fix” ourselves.
Most new year resolutions fail because we created them from a place of “making better” or fixing what we perceive as a failure that needs to be changed. If we think we are fat we may resolve to get to the gym 6 days a week or eat a healthy diet. If we have forgotten what our loved ones look like, we may resolve to spend more quality time with our family. But these resolutions fail because we don’t deal with why we got into that situation in the first place. If we really (REALLY ) cared about those things, from the perspective we have been seeing life, we wouldn’t be spending 18 hours at the computer and eating mindlessly. To succeed in our resolutions we must create a new perspective as the “WHY” for doing these things. Going to the gym to look better only works for so long. Target sells Spanx. What if we went to the gym to support our bodies to be able to contribute more fully in life. We can’t do the work we are here to do if our bodies break down. What if we stopped thinking that your job here on earth is to “make it” and work hard….and our real job is to love and be loved? Those created perspectives will automatically have our actions align with our intentions. No “resolution” required.
2. We have no integrity.
Integrity is like gravity. Our word is all we really have and it creates our world. Only we don’t relate to it like that. We don’t question that if we walk off of 4 story building we will fall. We don’t question that our feet are magnetically drawn to the earth. Yet, we delude ourselves into thinking that if we don’t honor our word, there will be no consequence. Most of the time we honor our word to others. We show up for appointments with others, but we don’t go to the gym or get up and meditate when we only gave our word to ourselves. (Hey, no one is going to know!) But we know. Every time we don’t honor our word to ourselves, we disintegrate a part of ourselves and start relating to ourselves as someone unreliable who can’t be trusted. Notice how many people feel like a fraud, no matter what they are doing or say they are creating? We declare, “I am going to increase my income by 25% this year.” And then that little voice chimes in and says, “Yeah right, you know that is BS. You can’t even get your butt to the gym in the morning!” And so the cycle continues.
3. We are cynical and resigned.
Those grandiose ideas sounded really good in the moment we created them. But fundamentally most human beings think that this really is as good as it gets. We can’t really look good, be happy and have an amazing life. That may be possible for the next guy/gal, but not for me. During our development we filled our future with all of the things that were NOT possible for us. Our brain constantly reminds us that we aren’t really smart enough, or pretty enough, or lucky enough to have it all. And instead of questioning the status quo, we allow ourselves to succumb to being numb and resigned. Living the life that was designed for us by others and our overprotective prediction machine we call our mind.
So let’s stop beating ourselves up about what we should and shouldn’t be doing. Let’s stop trying to make ourselves “better” on top of the belief that we are fundamentally flawed anyway and there really is no hope.
Stop to consider that all of your life up until this point has been to train us, to teach us who we are and who we are not. Stop to think about what really lights you up. What do you REALLY want to do with your life? Do you want to spend your day’s working for the “man” or do you want to be someone who inspires others? Do you want to be someone who creates art and builds bridges to the divine? Do you want to experience love at is fullest expression? Do you want to use your life to create something that matters?
Shift your focus from “fixing” a system that is (quite frankly) already broken to spending more time and energy on what you love and creating a life that you are proud of.