As a coach and consultant and mom…..I fix things. From pulling clients out from under the covers when they don’t want to go to a negotiation, to mediating operating documents to kissing scrapes and boo boos. It isn’t a big stretch to recognize that being able to fix things, make them better and give people some sense of safety and support feels good. Maybe it gives me some sense of being able to control or manage the chaos that is our world.
This week I have learned a powerful lesson. Sometimes when I want to fix things, make them better, put sugar and kisses on it…….that is more about me, than it is about the person I think I am helping. As women, we have an intuitive desire to take care of our loved ones, and mostly our partners and our children. Kids are easier. Being their to fix the boo-boos and hold them when they cry really does make a difference for them.
Our partners however seem to be more challenging. We (okay I) think that if I say some brilliant nugget of philosophical wisdom, send them love and pink light……everything will be right in the world again. Ever notice how often that doesn’t work? And when it doesn’t, we get frustrated and upset and we (okay I) can make them wrong or find fault in the way they are handling something, we give up and let them go figure it out on their own (read: find out that if they just saw things the way I do they wouldn’t have to suffer anymore) . AND, they then must discover this in the frigid barrenness of a world where I take my love away.
I noticed this week that many times, my desire to take care of them, not only doesn’t help, it hinders their process, their own journey of discovery. As much as it surprises me at first, I realize that maybe I don’t have all of the answers, maybe I don’t have the one-size-fits all magic formula. And the further surprise, maybe I don’t have to have that. Maybe all there ever is to do is give them the space to discover on their own, sort it out and come to their own conclusions.
The key however is dancing with the ability to let go of our attachment to the outcome, letting them discover whatever there is to discover (which may or may not be the outcome we (okay I) most desire), while at the same time not withholding our love and our divine feminine energy to surround and protect them on their journey.
Dancing doesn’t have to be beautiful, it just has to be done with heart and joy and freedom.
This week, I am dancing.